The Murky Blur

maybe because i told the nurse who made my pre-op appointment that although i know Cataract Surgery is the most common out-patient surgery and is a snap, a cinch and a breeze i was apprehensive and so she said Well, We Can Give You Something to Calm You Down

and so after dimly hearing the list of Risks ( you might lose your vision entirely and Oh, you might die) they taped my head down and then i expected the cement bags but, No, I was Out Like A Light

when i came to i discovered someone had put a fistful of sharply pointed gravel under my right eye lid / it felt like a word i cannot spell

no one else i talked to about this surgery had a general anesthesia !

my daughter hauled me home where i slept for 24 hours and gave up eating

the good news is i lost a pound

and Oh, i have these groovy Ray Charles dark glasses to wear when i go out

We are the ones we've been waiting for (HOPI)

HOPI ELDERS SPEAK

You have been telling people that this is the Eleventh Hour.
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour.
There are things to be considered.

Where are you living ?
What are you doing ?
What are your relationships ?
Are you in right relations ?
Where is your water ?
Where is your garden ?

It is time to speak your Truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
Do not look outside yourself for the leader.

This could be a good time.

There is a river flowing now very fast.
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold on to the shore.
They will feel they are being torn apart, and they will suffer greatly.

Know the river has its destination.
The Elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.

See who is in there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves.

For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.

The time of the Lone Wolf is over.
Gather yourselves.

Banish the word struggle from your attitude and vocabulary.

All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

The Elders
Oraibe, Arizona
Hope Nation
June 2004

The Eye is Gonna Have It

tomorrow morning is the Cataract Surgery

yes, i know cataract surgery is a snap a cinch and a breeze

it is the most common out-patient surgery performed over the whole Planet

it still gives me the creeps

today the nurse at the pre-op said they would give me anesthesia to keep me still and so i wont leap out of the chair but i will be lying down flat / ugh / she said she had been a nurse for thirty years and that they used to surround the patient's head with bags of cement to keep the head still / um / so i told her that our second president's (John Adams) daughter had a mastectomy without anesthesia

that shut us both up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

did she really say "bags of cement" ?

Post Election Distress

i had a somach ache

my daughter said I cant stomach the results / smile

yerp

later i packed up all my political books aquired over the last four years

out of sight / out of mind

Moving On

Bisque Binge

the shrimp bisque was so good i made some more

sometimes when you try to duplicate perfection the attempt falls short

not this time !

it was just as good and tasty and loaded with tender shrimp as the first time

most of the shrimp bisque recipeez i looked up on the internets (sic) involved using bottled clam broth

the one i chose to follow made "fish" broth using the shrimp shells / in a TB of unsalted butter cook the shells from about 1 and 1/4 pound of shrimp until they are golden / then add 1/2 cup of Pernod (original recipe / i didnt have Pernod so i used some cheap brandy) and let it cook almost all gone then add 2 quarts of water / simmer uncovered for 20 minutes then strain and press on the shells / set aside for the rest of the recipe

concurrent with the shrimp bisque binge i was flirting madly with fresh little neck clams / isnt it a wonder to have fresh clams from Long Island, New York, in the middle of the south western desert wilderness ? i buy them without a second thought / smile / the first thought that comes to mind is a vision of a car on the side of the road on Topanga Canyon Boulevard with the trunk open and a vendor selling frozen lobsters / i could never bring myself to get one no matter how much i loved lobster

steaming the clams (about 18 of them) in 3/4 cup of water gives you a nice cup of clam "liquor" / this is used in making New England clam chowder but if you are making linguini with clam sauce you can put the clam liquor aside to use in your next go around with shrimp bisque / very tasty and so culinarily interdependent

When you call someone who has Call Waiting

and they are already talking with someone else i would just as soon get a busy signal

then you know they are too busy to talk right now and you can go on about your business

instead they answer and tell you that they will call right back

except "right back" sometimes takes a while

which means i am "call waiting"

Next Blog

if i ever have another blog i will name it Next Blog

have you ever clicked on the little button in the upper right hand corner that says Next Blog ?

take an amazing trip through diversity-land

~~~~~~~~~

WHEN A CHANGE OF DIRECTION IS INDICATED DON'T MISS YOUR CUBIC CENTIMETER OF CHANCE

~~~~~~~~~

a few notes left on the desk by The Fictional Archeologist :

Dwadwee Sez :

be who you are
be true to yourself

Being true to yourself is not necessarily a rigid adherence to principle

Being true to yourself is more like accepting who you are and recognizing your way is as valid as anyone else's - and, get this, need not be explained or justifiied or rationalized to all and sundry as well as to yourself / you can just BE without a whole lot of blabber

Being true to yourself also means you don't lose shape with each human encounter (or interruptions of the flow)

Being fluid fills every nook and cranny while retaining essential characteristics

Being true to yourself means you don't become everyone you meet (unless you wish to tune in by means of psychic absorption)

We are each Unique

once upon a time

topanga celebrations :

mushrooms
black russians
good pot
and
cocaine

music by cole porter

that was then and this is now

i have a celebratory 3.2 beer and a toast to voter turnout

popcorn with The Daily Show

what a wonderful day / no, the election hasnt been called yet / it was a wonderful day nonetheless

The Fictional Archeologist. . . . .

. . . . is pushing and shoving

go go go / she sez / all you care about is GOTV

Getting Out The Vote

dont come back unti wednesday

i will take over until then / smile

go ON

GO

SCRAM

So many topics / so little time

#1 On the topic of declutterflying : it's not the stuff that makes you whole / it's the hole that makes you stuff : what amma gonna do with all these books / cooking magazines ? / too many of muchness

#2 On the topic of Culinary Optionitis / oh so many things to do with shrimp / i make a Bisque for the first time / what amma gonna do with shrimp bisque for 8 people ?

#3 On the topic of poetry forms : my Tanka Pal sends me a Pantoum and a Villinelle / i respond :

"writing a pantoum (5)
creating a villenelle (7)
way more challenging (5)
than a tried and true tanka (7)
i will give them my best shot" (7)

(that's a tanka) (structure of pantoum and villenelle forthcoming / stay tuned in) (will also check on spelling)

(when i introduced the topic of poetry forms at lunch the son-out-law decided he had fire wood to cut)

#4 On the topic of Serendipity : a mild flirtation with roasting brussel sprouts last year caused me to buy some more and then i discovered a recipe for shredding them and dressing them with bacon and pecans / whoever thought of shredding a brussel sprout ? a two pound gift of nitrate/nitrite free bacon from running around pigs brought it all together / never mind

#5 On the topic of The Fictional Archeologist : she feels neglected / she is nagging me / she wants more blog space / i tell her to get her own blogspot / she sez she might do just that

#6 On the topic of La Mia Cugina Italiana / SHE wants more blog time too

sheesh

Tricks and Treats

the kids are coming and i have plenty of candy

i bought all the kinds my mother likes best and when i did i asked the ladies at Walker where i shopped if they thought it was okay to keep buying my 94 year old mother who is in a nursing home candy which is prolly not good for her and they said SURE / get her whatever she likes

okay

so i have plenty of little Hershey Bars / Peanut Butter Cups / Peppermint Patties / and KISSES in different coloured wrappers

in case there were no trick or treaters i can take the candy to my mother

but the kids are coming and i have plenty of candy !

daughter and son-out-law are making costumes for tonights halloweencostumeparty combination wake for The Motorcyle Man who died recently / she is going as a Mud Head and he as a Heyouka / these are native american icons

The Motorcyle Man first brought me to Utah / i fell so madly in love with him that i was willing to live in the middle of nowhere in the mountains with no water, no electricty, no clocks, mirrors

it was ......... sorry.........no words........ but plenty of Zeitgeist / smile

later i will pick up some chili cheese burgers from Milt's where we used to indulge ourselves once in a while coming down off the mountain to town

and i will take the chili cheese burgers as my "potluck" and go to the party/wake as Who I Was When I Met Him

~~~~~~~~~~

happy halloween

Politickles

i come here to be frivolous
to create a self-indulgent pastiche

to be giddy and mindless and insouciant

otherwise my head will explode

Hints ~ Rules ~ Suggestions

(from the Free At Last series)

you doan hafta do anything you doan wanna

if you think you awta / doan do it

when in doubt wear red

do it All ~ All Waze n Sometimes Never

no long distance calls while drunk

when in doubt lie down

ignore ants is bliss

when in the mind all is think pull the plug and drain the sink

balance through contrast / moderation by extremes

nothing exceeds like excess

be Quick but dont hurry


(a faithful transcription)

connect the dots / detach on the dotted line

dont ask why
if reason you seek
for the brain is awry
and springing a leak

.................................

Some Thoughts on Thinking

I think about thinking
i think about how i am thinking
i think about what my thinking is about
i think if the thinking makes me feel good or bad
is it good thinking or is it bad thinking ?
i think about what good thinking and bad thinking are

i am thinking about thinking

give it up

Today' Advice

When in the mind all is think
pull the plug and drain the sink

Transmission of Dialogue between Aeriseven and Dwadwee Wandrr

~ it begins with chronic melancholy
^ explain please
~ you are this superior being from Aeriseven and suddenly you wake up and you are this squalling human infant / shocked into chronic melancholy
^ i must remind you that you volunteered for this mission / indeed, it was your idea / you were curious about the earth planet and wanted to be a big shot explorer
~ i didnt know how difficult it would be to be a human being
^ you have a tendency to focus on the difficulties
~ of course, when i talk to you i focus on the difficulties to illuminate the problems / it is part of the mission, is it not ? to help clarify procedure and make improvements for the future explorers / remember i am an *Experimental Eggplant Explorer* designed to break new trails, show the way, make it "easier" for later Aeriseven visitors
^ so you feel somehow you are arriving shocked into a state born with regrets / a kind of consumate anger
~ simmering with bitter disappointments
^ oh my, poor you
~ yeah, poor me
^ let me remind you of the choices you made / of the choices you make / it was a brave and courageous act
~ i was bored and wanted a change of scene / sigh
^ oh, foo, you wanted an adventure / you were curious and you cared / you have done a fine job / maybe you have not received enough recognition but you know you have to gain from the process / you pioneered the program and now you must share the information / we are waiting for detailed reports / transcripts of dialogue / recommendations / evaluations / hints / clues / subtle suggestions / you know / c'mon / get with it
~ I am !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

observation : you can always trust someone who is fussy about her food


(now i know why Joan Didion edits on gin)


(from the '80's)(most likely)

CARE packages

Sometimes when i think i am good at starting things / sometimes too good at starting things / without enough follow through i remember being in high school during the years right after World War 2 when the administration and students of Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland, decided to send CARE packages to war survivors in Europe

Here is some history and what CARE stands for :

"We've always been known by the acronym "CARE," but the meaning behind the letters has changed as our mission has broadened. When we were founded in 1945, CARE stood for "Cooperative for American Remittances to Europe." Today, with projects in more than 60 countries around the world, CARE stands for "Cooperative for Assistance and Relief Everywhere, Inc."

we decided that each homeroom in the school of three grades would send a package every month / i volunteered to be the CARE representative for my homeroom / this meant i collected 25cents from each student (usually about 30 in a homeroom) each month for the nine months of the school year

and i am proud to say that i did it / i did it / smile / all three years of high school

you would have to know me to understand what this means / i find it easy to change my mind / to put off continuing projects i have started / over time i have incorporated ME into my philosophy of life known as The Way of The Improvaho in which i never have to finish anything (or how would anything get done) and Indecision Permits Flexibility but more about that another time

I had pictures of food floating through my head this afternoon / i wasnt really hungry but i think of food anyway / at some point i will go in the kitchen, rummage through the ice box / come up with something tasty / and then i imagined what it must feel like to have those pictures of food floating through your head and not knowing where your next meal was coming from and i remembered sending CARE packages and now i wonder if i am doing as much as i can

there's a lot of hungry people out there in the world

for starters i am sending a donation to CARE and checking out what more i can do, give, or share

http://www.careusa.org/index.asp

maybe, you too ?

The Pleasures of Patience or Today in the Kitchen

I take great pleasure in the patience required for the sequence of steps leading up to firing the kiln

prepping the kiln shelf with kiln wash and a haik brush / a brush with exceedingly fine bristles / i googled to shop for these brushes, recommended in the glass fusing bible / and google asks Do You Mean Hair Brush? / i love google

the kiln wash must be applied in five coats across the shelf this way and then that way and diagonally / then it is dried in the kiln at 500 degrees with the lid propped open a few inches / unless the shelf is prepped properly the kiln wash will stick to the bottom of the glass thus adding another step for it will have to be removed

so far i have been a perfect kiln shelf prepper !

next

assembling and cutting the little bits of glass being careful not to cut my fingers / washing them in a bowl of soapy water / draining through a sieve / spreading out on a dishtowel and blotting them thoroughly dry

using a tweezer or the needlenose pliers (i like these better) to arrange the bits of glass on the shelf / put them in little stacks or whatever

so far so good / my second attention is fully engaged

then the heating up and monitoring the speed with which it reaches 1500 degrees / about an hour / and then controlling the rate of cooling

whew

an added bonus is the kiln is upstairs in the attic-studio

i am having a good work out running up and down the stairs as well as being particularly alert not to fall down them / there is no bannister / the stair well is narrow but there are railings along the opening at the top

i decide to hang some ropes from the railings to grab onto in case of dizziness

an elderly lady in the village where i lived in vermont had a big old house and she lived alone / as is true of many folks in vermont they are a hardy and independent lot and do a lot of heavy labor especially in the winter when it is necessary to brush snow off of roofs (rooves??)

her house had a large porch with windows overlooking it from the second story / inside the windows was a stair railing and on this was a coil of rope / she explained to me that she pulled the rope over to the windows / tied it around her waist and stepped out on the roof which of course was slanted to brush or shovel off the snow

whatta gal

i run out of patience waiting for the kiln to cool enough to remove the bits of glass / i busy myself in the kitchen making ghee and getting flours together to make some dough / yes / some dough / any kind of dough / i crave to make dough the same way i craved to make things out of clay when i was a child

i am making empanadas / more anon

Plumbing the Depths

some old notes :

the Search for Genuine Insouciance continues

(huh what's that?)

Light hearted Unconcern not to be mistaken for a Cold Indifference

Insouciance of the Most Genuine - sincere - and Authentic is aura'ed by affectionate understanding and a generous helping of compassion / smile

(the smile of Someone willing to be side-tracked because for her all paths have heart)

you know, Follow Your Path with Heart / that means whole-heartedly / not half-assed

%%%%%

The process unwinds like a ball of yarn, like opening up a road map
like finding the missing puzzle piece under the kitchen table

The process is a wander ~ an exploration ~ it is not designed to solve problems ~ but to appreciate the mysteries of existence

so there