Conflict of Interests

see i want Caterina to write up my collection of recipeez that are on scraps of paper / clippings from newspapers and magazines / accumulated over the years that when i want one i have to scuffle through the pile or else Google up the recipe i want which turns out to the the easiest and most reasonable solution

*she* wants to just scribble down whatever we are dining on today or recipeez that she makes up

sigh

a return to clarity

it is not possible to eat a frozen chicken pie / not swanson / not marie callendar / not pepperidge farm even as a gesture to nostalgia

A Timely Diversion

i have been asked to help choose handles and drawer pulls for a custom armoire built for a friend / she calls / she sez i have ordered 12 different handles and i cant decide and so i thought who do i know that cares
about this sort of thing and of course it is me who cares about stuff like that

i was in a self-pitying mope / the obituary is in the paper / a loving tribute as it should be

but

life growing up with my mother was also Life on Tenterhooks : and so i wrote this :

~2~ on tenterhooks : apprehensive uneasy anxious qualmish worried alarmed concerned nervous

sl : uptight queasy jittery skittish jumpy on edge edgy

on a cliff edge on a tightrope waiting for the ax to fall or for the other shoe to drop or for the bomb to go off

(life growing up with my mother)

~~~~~~~

tenterhooks are bent nails or hooks used on a loom to hold the weaving taut and keep the edges even and the width consistent

squeezing a teddy bear

this is another hand exercise/strengthener

instead of one of those balls i have a darling little bear

just the right size to grip his torso and squeeze

and then of course he makes cute gestures with his arms and legs

this is kinda fun

(i have grown way past squeezing balls / wink)

why, skaterina

is that an inuendo ?

today not a cloud in the sky

the sky blew blue
mountain peaks snow white
i walked on the desert

a tisket a tasket

my current exercise regime fits right in to my life style / actually it IS my life style :

running up and down stairs to "do glass" (id est fire the kiln / monitor its performance) / must not touch the walls when i go up and down (no railings so no holding on) good for balance (at my age) heh

thumb strengthening via DreamBoat's door opening buttons that you have to push REAL HARD

(i can feel the progress)

( something something about one's will in one's thumb / hmm / a little research in order )

weight lifting : i shop with a basket / i have different size baskets for different types of shopping / like a lot or a little ? the basket needs to fit on the shelf of the scanners at the Shifty MarkUp / when the basket is full i stop shopping / i have to be able to carry the basket back out to the car with one hand/arm

sidebar: the check out ladies and the baggers love the diversion i bring to them with my basket / i get 5cents off for not using a bag / heh / at first a couple of the baggers were nonplussed to see that everything needed to go back into the basket / they are so used to bags

a challenge !

the grok it

so now my hands and arms are pretty strong again / a few years ago i noticed my hands which have always been quick and nimble from so much knitting weaving all that blah blah were a bit stiff and so i do hand exercises called typing on this keyboard, chopping onions, smile, you know what i mean

incontinence preventive exercise ; stop in mid-stream / hold it / let it go / hold again ~~~ do this when you think of it / incontinence is not confined to the elderly / it sure is a drag to be a grown up who wets her pants

on that note ~~~~~~~~

a heart warming day

once more across the vast uninhabitable desert to the nursing home to collect my mother's belongings and express our thanks and appreciation to a kind, and loving staff who cared for her these last few years

one more day in the process of healing

we are planning a memorial service here at home with a "water feature" designed by me and made by the sonoutlaw for the front yard where her ashes will go

obit

today my daughter began to write her grandmother's obituary / i told her about how she drove cross country, from maryland to los angeles, in 1939 / no mean trick in those days before the interstates

she wrote some good stuff / i gave her what i wrote here / she used most of it / left out mean and nasty / smile

she added (and i love this) "she was a stylin' babe with lots of pizzazz"

then we sat around and told Estelle Stories

my friend from vermont who came out for deep winter knew my mother and this is comforting to have a pal on board / kaki was in hawaii also with a friend who knew my mother / this is a blessing at a time when it is possible to feel very much alone

she loved flowers and birds / she always fed the birds and when her neighbor complained about bird poop on her car because my mother fed the birds / she said well / mean and nasty

smile

Thought for the Day

We build the future by enlarging our past. (Goethe)

Contemplation

sorrow is embraced
grief is not denied

contemplation restores ones spirit

loss becomes gain

insights illuminate choices and changes to come

looking at the past mirrors the future

be here now / stay in the moment

life is what it is and is no more

~~~~~~~~~

i thank everyone who sent love and prayers and hugs
i am touched by the generosity of your thoughts

Sad

i feel so sad i watched the tv news and didnt feel worse

sigh

like my Mom i will bounce back

and come up with the Fiery Chocolate Ice Cream recipe Spring asked for

smile

Her Journey Continues

the first thing i realize is how much i appreciate her negative qualities

she was ruthless . incorrigible . she had a sharp tongue . she could be hurtful and mean . remarkably resilient . she knew how to roll with the punches . go down . and come back feisty and snotty and spunky as ever

she had a lot of pizazz and was incredibily forgiving

she had 94 years and a colourful life

her death was quick, peaceful, and pain free

ciao, bella

my mom

my mom is in the ER / hospital in Price

i going up there now / maybe away for a day or two

prayers for her welcome / please and thank you

tic avoidance

like lip tics :

chewing on lip
making funny shapes with lips
squiggles and grimaces and grins

keep rapid repetition at a minimum

also drooling and slack jaw

inauguration day blues

i put the blue sparkling wine bottle in a paper bag and went outside and smashed the bottle in the bag with a hammer

i spilled the pieces out on the table to see what i had wrought

random shapes / funny shapes / curved and rounded / slivers

i let them rest while i considered the possibilitease

an experimental fusing

arrangement on the kiln shelf of shapes galore !

with added bits and pieces of dichroic glass / etc / what not

to see who would fuse with whom

cool beans / i made the beginnings (first firing) of an Improvaho Fooling Around Thing

needs some connecting links for the second firing

sheez in the kiln now waiting for tomorrow / smile

Grudge

i am carrying a grudge and it wont fit into the little red wagon with the regrets, resentments, and hauntings

this grudge is borne along by my unlimited reservoir of self-importance

perhaps airing the grudge will lighten its load

every year in febraio the Youth Garden Project holds a fund raiser called The Chocolate Lovers' Fling

donations of chocolate desserts pour into the MARC (Moab Arts and Recreation Center) $10.00 is charged adults to enter and sample as many of the chocolate offerings as one can stomach / er um / enjoy

lots of children attend / ticket price reduced for them

prizes are awarded

each Fling has a theme

in 2002 the theme was The Olympics : The Fire Within

i do not actually LOVE chocolate but i was game to participate / a friend and i partnered up / we created a spectacularly good chocolate ice cream that included some red chili, cayenne, and orange / it really was yummy / "surprisingly so" (wink)

we made chocolate ice cream cones

picture this : an Olympic torch composed of a cone with the ice cream on top / the ice cream was decorated with thin strips of candied orange peel (the flames) and a silver candle / lit of course

with each serving we said, Pass the Torch

no one passed the torch until tasting the ice cream and experiencing "the fire within" / smile

of course our friends and family were dazzled and amazed at our imagination and creativity and our theme-appropriate contribution

did we win ?

we did not !

here is where i heft the grudge onto my back

the winner was a dumb cake with little plastic cars running over it / folks on the way to the Olympics in Salt Lake

well, i never !

never again / i stick my tongue out and make a loud RASPBERRY (known as The Bronx Cheer)

i feel better now / into the wagon with you, Grudge

Choosing a Character

~~~~" I have glimpsed the stranger

she has an open mind and an expansive heart

among her many skills . talents . arts . she is an Adept

at Banishing Demons

she has an inner strength that deflects "curses"

and is totally free of the Bondage of the Appropriate ~~ (nice)

&&&&&&&&

she is blessed with a lot of Quick
and that is necessary for she has
to go around visiting all the
Experimental Egglets from "~~~~~~"
who are now Improvahoki Earth Probes
to see how they are adapting and what
Discovereaze they are X-ploring as they
seek Power in Alien Climes"


(yellowed fragment undated / submitted by
The Fictional Archeologist)

smile

a plug for the kitchen help

oh i mean the italian cousin / la cugina italiana / l cugina dalla cucina

lacugina

Dream

"Here is a little red wagon for you / put all your regrets in it / put your unfinished and unanswered questions it it / put your hauntings in it. You can then pull the wagon along with you as a more efficient method of hanging on to the past than keeping them with the monkeys on your back. Or you can leave the wagon behind."

energized

getting to be Someone
i dont know yet