Unfinished Thoughts & Unanswered Questions

"Unfinished thoughts - thoughts that have no ending - thoughts that are interminable because they have no resolution. Thoughts that forever
leave you hanging in the balance."

from The Blind Man of Seville by Robert Wilson

Dear Blog

oh how i have neglected you the last couple of days / we were so in love since the beginning in July / it made me think of how someone told me once that the average love affair lasted three months / well, i guess i needed a break / i had some other business to attend to and how can i miss you if i never go away ?

later, darling

Toe Stub Clarity

have i mentioned Toe Stub Clarity before ?

Toe Stub Clarity is when you are in a state of confusion or indecision / camped out at the crossroads with forks pointing in all directions and you cant make up your mind or choose which one you want to take / clearly this is a condition known as Option-itis / too many options

stuck stumped stupified stymied you stumble around in the dark
and Stub your Toe

your Big Toe

the Big Toe is the one that sticks out the most in most people (those that are not descended from the Emperor and have the second toe longer than the first toe, that is) and the Big Toe is connected to the Brain

ooooooof / aw / ouch

the impact of the toe stub clears the mind / in some cases ones whole life flashes before ones eyes

and then there is that Moment of Clarity in which you know exactly which fork in the road to take

tanka sudden flashes of brilliance

hey hey USA (5)
tell me we izzent too dumb (7)
(say it is izzent so) (5)
to elect a smart president ? (7)
a sudden flash of brilliance (7)*


*one might quibble over the number
of syllables in "brilliance"

Today's Menu

friday is clean out the refrigerator day so the menu will be what i find in the ice box : what can be eaten today and what can be made into something else for tomorrow

the mussels are new so they do not count / they are for saturday lunch

two baked apples will be warmed up and served with the hickory smoked cheese that was free at the moonflower because it had a thumbprint of mold / cheese with the baked apples will be a welcome change from all the baked apples we have eaten with home made creme fraiche / we are just about "creme'd" out

goat cheese will be smeared on a tortilla and decorated with chopped fresh tomatoes / those tomatoes that have been languidly idling on the kitchen counter for 3 days / some chopped onion from the half onion in the vegetable drawer / a few chopped olives / um yum

warm the tortilla in a frying pan lightly oiled with something slick

bring the last slice of onion tart to room temperature and serve to the son-out-law

have the spinach for breakfast steamed and a side of sausages

saute the last of the shitake mushrooms to go with the tenderloin tail

the dogs will love the ricotta al forno (baked ricotta) cut into small cubes and added to their organ meat

let's see, what else is in there that needs a change of scene ?

ah yes, the spinach/ricotta gnocchi / smother them with the leftover tomato/garlic jam and sprinkle with parmigiano / heat in the oven

someone will love them especially since i will never make them again

let's see, what to do with the small hank of fresh fettucine ?

the six small jars of carmelized butter left over from various ghee makings are now the basis for a ball of snickerdoodle dough / this needs to chill over night and will be baked into cookies tomorrow

the rest of the eggs and the half and half are for lemon ice cream and the raspberry puree is to go with that / this is also for saturday lunch or sunday brunch

is the refrigerator cleaned out yet ?

yes

Big Sur and the Oranges of Heironymous Bosch

by Henry Miller

in this book he says, what is one to say to someone who makes paradise a prison ?

in this book he says, when you dont know what to write. write about how you dont know what to write.

okay

i dont know what to write / i will sit by the fire and have some tea and think of something

sooner or later

smile

Vocabulary

Discernment
Discrimination
Perception
Penetration
Insight
Acumen

These words describe qualities that represent a power to see what is not evident to the average mind :

Discernment stresses accuracy especially in reading character or motives

Discrimination stresses the power to distinguish and select what is true or appropriate or genuinely excellent

Perception implies quick and often sympathetic discernment, as of shades of feeling

Penetration implies a searching mind that goes beyond what is obvious or superficial

Insight suggests depth of discernment

Acumen implies characteristic penetration combined with keen practical judgment

Fast Forward

what happens when Intuition is at its peak of influence
at the same time the other three rhythms are at their least influential thus making an emphatic support system
for the free wheeling Intuition

a side kick way of seeing forward / also known as the future / that which is yet to come based on what we know or remember of the past / what we think of as the future is that which we feel able to predict / what we think of when we think forward instead of to the future is sort of like piercing beams of light penetrating a dark tunnel / the beams of light being resourceful depths of your being

in other words

you see a glimmer of your path up ahead a piece and it looks good it sure does

so you dont have a map / on the road without a map once again

you dont need a map if you can read the signs

Just a Thought

it is the encouragement one receives from those one "respects"
that pushes us on into endeavors one might otherwise ignore

encouragement is an interest that is flattering

flattery can be an insidious form of influence

influence causes one to perform in ways that one might not
if left to one's own devices

one's own devices are known only to one

to no one else

whenever someone tells you you ought to do something

don't



ingore ants is bliss

Tanka Time

the assignment from my friend who writes tankas

words to use : labyrinth / clue / button

here are mine :

Labyrinth

labyrinth of the mind
amazing what you will find
unexpected lies
truth hidden in the corners
scenarios of your life



Clue

she is quite naive
has not got a single clue
will she awaken ?
fresh discoveries appear
hey ! see what is going on ?


Button

Say ! Button your lip
Must you tell all your secrets ?
Dont be such a drip
An open mouth shuts the mind
A knowing smile says it all

and one to grow on :

Beer

have you had enough ?
after we poach the salmon
pour it in the sink
three point two beer fills you up
a cold shower will feel swell

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

in case you disremember a tanka has five stanzas and 31 syllables
5 syllables in the first stanza, 7 in the second, 5 in the third, and
7 in stanza 4 and 5

challenge yourself

One Day

one day you discover that you have had enough
of everything you thought you hadnt had enough of

whew

free at last

Today's Menu

black beans white rice yellow cornbread

yum

baked apples for dessert with creme fraiche

The Concert in the Grotto

a piano concert in a grotto on the Colorado River

this is an event in the Moab Music Festival

at noon we meet at the park / we board buses and go down the river road to the "put in" / we board barges to travel down the river through red rock canyons to the grotto, a natural cave-like amphitheatre at the end of a wooded path

on the way the guide points out Dead Horse Point and Thelma and Louise Drop off / we oooo and aaaahhhh

the grand piano and the musicians and their intruments have already traveled to the concert site / after the concert there will be a buffet

now i am getting ready : i decide this year to take a chair instead of climbing up on the rocks / viewing from up upon the sides of the grotto is very popular / i have done the rock climb the last couple of years / i consider bringing a chair this time

if i bring a chair / a folding chair / the kind that goes camping and on river trips / i will be able to wear a dress instead of trousers

today will be warmish / 88 degrees / dresses are more comfortable in warmish/hot weather / the last two years it was coolish / even cloudy / one year it rained on the way back creating extraordinary waterfalls streaming down the red cliffs / it was spectacular / maybe even more so than the concert / smile

let's see about the chair

i practice taking the chair out of its carry bag and opening it up so i wont be a dork when i get to the grotto / i test its comfort level / oh / comfort level is pretty low / almost non-existent / maybe if i sit kind of sideways / this chair doesnt exactly have a sideways / other than it doesnt have any arms

sit in it and do some of the activitease you might do at the grotto / get out the camera and take a picture / write in journal / open back pack and have a snack / have some tea from the thermos / get up and stretch without knocking the chair over / hmm / get up and applaud / shift your butt four dozen times / get up and climb onto the rocks / so what if i am wearing a dress

(remember to keep my knees together)

Freedom

the only freedom is impeccable behavior

impeccable = non-regrettable

no excuses necessary
no explanations required
no apologies accepted

. . . . . to Simplify . . . . .

Impeccable is Okay

Excerpt from The Fictional Archeologist (notes)

a quiet foggy morning / it is Labor Day for the Natives

personal / daily rituals observed by the Improvahoo (sic)

no major prearranged or pedetermined ritualistic observances or ceremonies have been noted

there is some ocasional condescension towards the established holi- and holy days of the various countries through which an Imp is transmitting at specific moments

even these "nods" have a strong imprompertoo quality / when several Improvahoos assemble at the "same" time and place this occurs through an extraordinary subtle spontaniety

Imp belief is that predetermined ritual (makes possible) the concentration of energy of a large number of people -

the personal approach or statement of style is in direct contradiction to large scale manipulation of focussed energy (dynamics)

Instead the Improvaho approach is so intensely personal that energy can be focussed at any time at will and at any time more than one Improvahoo warrior come together whether physically near or far the combined energy is bounced back and forth between the two - or more

Because of this each Imp is equal - no one manipulates another / there is no authority, director, no one is in charge*

the energy thus created and/or established is as a network

or as a spider's web

silken threads thrown out from the abdomen, plucked out by the wind of enormous subtle power - recognized only by the Initiate.

*and no one is keeping score / smile


transcribed from the original / handwritten script blue ink on wide blue lined tablet paper / undated

Stuff I have Learned Along the Way

If you havent got much money
you'd better have a good sense
of timing


Go for the Obvious
Settle on the Obscure
When in Doubt
Do or Dont or
Die Without


Never have a body shop
Work on the engine


Trust in your Destiny

Scattered Wits

Gonna be a gorgeous day
Relax your face and the space
Behind your Eyes

###########

Memory is a Nag
Forgetting what does not concern you
Is A Gift

Exercise your forgettory
As well as your memory


##################

Manipulation is a bogus power
The ability to manipulate another
for one's own needs gives a false
sense of security and is detrimental
to the development of authentic power

The "Steamers"

this is the note i wrote to the owner of the restaurant where i had the "steamers" mentioned in the prior post :


i just thought i would follow up on the clams of last night. (i had a restaurant when i was younger and appreciated objective input)

The first order was sublime. Every clam was properly opened. The broth was tasty with well balanced flavors of butter, herbs, garlick, white wine, and clam liquor. There was enough broth to bathe each clam and leave some for dipping your delicious bread (focaccia is the one / G9 brought me a slice of this and it is ideal with clam broth) and even drink from the bowl to finish it off.*

It was such a pleasureable rush that I went for more ! As I commented last night the second order was not the same as the first. Red chile flakes do nothing for shell fish in my opinion. The broth was ckimpy and bland. Several (3-4) clams were not open ! Howard brough a few replacements on a plate sans broth.

Had i the second order first i would have been very unhappy and never would even contemplate ordering more.

The quality of the first order is a real deal at $10.00. Indeed this could be $12 if the standard could be maintained with plenty of broth and focaccia on the side. Maybe in a more shallow bowl so all the clams could be in the broth.

*This is my idea of how steamed shell food should be served (id est clams mussels, and so forth) I love mussels too / cozze ala marinara / yum

Now the clams or "steamers" i really love are from Maine / they are known as "little necks" / they have a soft shell / not a soft shell like soft shelled crabs but a delicate, thin shell that is more easily broken. These are the little necks of my dreams / we ate these by the bucket - pull the little critters out of their shells by the little black neck, dunk them in drawn butter, and slurp away. Then swill down the clam liquor from the bucket (pour into your bowl to drink or sop up with your bread).

hint / i see they can be also ordered on the internet / smile

The lovely setting and ambiance and friendliness (G9 gave me a "bib" to cover my white dress) is always a pleasure and I thank you for providing such a place in beautiful downtown Moab.

Sincerely,

Kathy, Katherine, Kat but Skatie I aint

my given name was Katherine Marie
my childhood name was Kappy
Katherine segued into Kathy by schoolmates
as Kathy i married a Thomas

and so i was for many years

Katherine was a little too formal until i became a Grandma

Katherine was more "grown up"

(i needed a little growing up/ smile)

people who have known me the longest call me Kathy / newer friends call me Katherine / long time friends who call me Kathy but know i prefer Katherine indulge / my son-out-law calls me Katherine

he is a sweetheart

i dont mind being called Toots, Tootsie, Honey, Dearie, Sweetheart, Hey Lady, Yo Mama, Baby Cakes, Babe, or Baby, but please dont call me "skatie"

thank you, darlings, one and all

September 10, 2001

it is 1962 / the opening in New York City of Dr. No, the first James Bond movie

my friend, Mimi and me went to see but first we dined at Oscar's on third avenue : for buckets of "steamers" / little neck clams / soft shell clams from Maine

dribble the briny morsels in butter and slurp them down

i loved steamers / i have not eaten a bucket of steamers since those grand old daze / and Oh / it was before the World Trade Center was built / the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building were the stunning features of the skyline


now it is September 10, 2004 / i seek a fitting tribute to this day / this day before the World Trade Center was struck when we entered an altered consciousness / it isnt true that "everything changed" / we just shifted our prioritease

that day, the day before the attack, i sat contentedly in my outdoor room taking an inventory / reviewing my life / my 50th high school class reunion was scheduled for later that week / i planned to fly to Maryland

my life was in order in a way that i never expected when i was younger / i was wondering if i were going to "get through" the rest of my life without any more major uproars or conflicts

the next morning all hell broke loose

sigh

steamers

i stopped at the Center Cafe yesterday to read their new bistro menu / o migosh / they have steamers on the menu / i went inside / are they steamers from New York ? i pestered the waitress / oh they have just run out

today i called to check / yes, i mean isnt it swell that in this remote wilderness town in SE Utah there is a restaurant that has steamers flown in FED EX from New York ?

they are not soft shells from Maine / when i inquired whether they were soft shells the young lady thought maybe i had them mixed up with soft shell crabs / not a chance, i said, i grew up in Maryland
and would never mix anything up with crabs / smile

i intended to have a silent vigil and not write here today and maybe not tomorrow either to honor the dead and dying / but shoot / life goes on / even with the current administration

tomorrow i will report on the steamers