tension holds me up

notes from the diary

of

a Hypertensive

or i would be a Puddle

anniversary

the other day was the first anniversary of my mother's death

years ago a friend told me that when her mother died she became young again / i thought a lot about what that might mean so when my mother died last year at the age of 94 i was able to rouse myself from a self-imposed curse that she would outlive me but i only saw myself as not becoming young but really really Being Old

well thats over

i dedicated a year of mourning to the acknowledgement of the loss of my mother and to allow myself to feel the loss and gradually the gain of the loss / the freedom from worry about her

a lifelong entanglement grounded in chronic illness and burdened by personality disorder

she is at peace at last and so am i

and, yeah, i am young again

kick glide smile

watch out for throw rugs

heh

that was the advice from the bone density doctor / dont get thrown by a rug / pick up your feet and watch your step

so i dont fall down and crack a bone

guess i wont mention ice skating

smile

the moon is full and i am on top of the world

the walk

walking
the face
of the
planet

this is all that matters

flurries

the apparent senseless flurries

are

conceptual illustrations of

control and choice

killer belly fat

i am quite taken with this concept

of killer belly fat

heh

shrink shrank shrunked

shrink shrank shrunked

one day i was 5'6" tall and weighed 140 lbs

then i went away and had a bone density test

i came home three inches shorter and six pounds heavier

AARP bulletin sez i must rid myself of belly fat in order to protect my heart

"To lose one pound per week, forgo or burn 500 calories per day. And to battle that killer belly fat, you'll need regular aerobic exercise. You can burn 500 calories and get your aerobic workout done by walking five miles a day."

do the five miles have to be sequential ?

i walk several miles every morning / well there are frequent stops to wait for the little elderly dog

it's all about me yes indeed

resolutions

in the past i have made new years resolutions that were so good i stil keep them

one is always hanging up my coat and the other is always coming to a full stop at a stop sign

heh

this year i resolve to truly and completely let myself go

(in all its glorious ramifications)