a heart warming day

once more across the vast uninhabitable desert to the nursing home to collect my mother's belongings and express our thanks and appreciation to a kind, and loving staff who cared for her these last few years

one more day in the process of healing

we are planning a memorial service here at home with a "water feature" designed by me and made by the sonoutlaw for the front yard where her ashes will go

obit

today my daughter began to write her grandmother's obituary / i told her about how she drove cross country, from maryland to los angeles, in 1939 / no mean trick in those days before the interstates

she wrote some good stuff / i gave her what i wrote here / she used most of it / left out mean and nasty / smile

she added (and i love this) "she was a stylin' babe with lots of pizzazz"

then we sat around and told Estelle Stories

my friend from vermont who came out for deep winter knew my mother and this is comforting to have a pal on board / kaki was in hawaii also with a friend who knew my mother / this is a blessing at a time when it is possible to feel very much alone

she loved flowers and birds / she always fed the birds and when her neighbor complained about bird poop on her car because my mother fed the birds / she said well / mean and nasty

smile

Thought for the Day

We build the future by enlarging our past. (Goethe)

Contemplation

sorrow is embraced
grief is not denied

contemplation restores ones spirit

loss becomes gain

insights illuminate choices and changes to come

looking at the past mirrors the future

be here now / stay in the moment

life is what it is and is no more

~~~~~~~~~

i thank everyone who sent love and prayers and hugs
i am touched by the generosity of your thoughts

Sad

i feel so sad i watched the tv news and didnt feel worse

sigh

like my Mom i will bounce back

and come up with the Fiery Chocolate Ice Cream recipe Spring asked for

smile

Her Journey Continues

the first thing i realize is how much i appreciate her negative qualities

she was ruthless . incorrigible . she had a sharp tongue . she could be hurtful and mean . remarkably resilient . she knew how to roll with the punches . go down . and come back feisty and snotty and spunky as ever

she had a lot of pizazz and was incredibily forgiving

she had 94 years and a colourful life

her death was quick, peaceful, and pain free

ciao, bella

my mom

my mom is in the ER / hospital in Price

i going up there now / maybe away for a day or two

prayers for her welcome / please and thank you

tic avoidance

like lip tics :

chewing on lip
making funny shapes with lips
squiggles and grimaces and grins

keep rapid repetition at a minimum

also drooling and slack jaw

inauguration day blues

i put the blue sparkling wine bottle in a paper bag and went outside and smashed the bottle in the bag with a hammer

i spilled the pieces out on the table to see what i had wrought

random shapes / funny shapes / curved and rounded / slivers

i let them rest while i considered the possibilitease

an experimental fusing

arrangement on the kiln shelf of shapes galore !

with added bits and pieces of dichroic glass / etc / what not

to see who would fuse with whom

cool beans / i made the beginnings (first firing) of an Improvaho Fooling Around Thing

needs some connecting links for the second firing

sheez in the kiln now waiting for tomorrow / smile

Grudge

i am carrying a grudge and it wont fit into the little red wagon with the regrets, resentments, and hauntings

this grudge is borne along by my unlimited reservoir of self-importance

perhaps airing the grudge will lighten its load

every year in febraio the Youth Garden Project holds a fund raiser called The Chocolate Lovers' Fling

donations of chocolate desserts pour into the MARC (Moab Arts and Recreation Center) $10.00 is charged adults to enter and sample as many of the chocolate offerings as one can stomach / er um / enjoy

lots of children attend / ticket price reduced for them

prizes are awarded

each Fling has a theme

in 2002 the theme was The Olympics : The Fire Within

i do not actually LOVE chocolate but i was game to participate / a friend and i partnered up / we created a spectacularly good chocolate ice cream that included some red chili, cayenne, and orange / it really was yummy / "surprisingly so" (wink)

we made chocolate ice cream cones

picture this : an Olympic torch composed of a cone with the ice cream on top / the ice cream was decorated with thin strips of candied orange peel (the flames) and a silver candle / lit of course

with each serving we said, Pass the Torch

no one passed the torch until tasting the ice cream and experiencing "the fire within" / smile

of course our friends and family were dazzled and amazed at our imagination and creativity and our theme-appropriate contribution

did we win ?

we did not !

here is where i heft the grudge onto my back

the winner was a dumb cake with little plastic cars running over it / folks on the way to the Olympics in Salt Lake

well, i never !

never again / i stick my tongue out and make a loud RASPBERRY (known as The Bronx Cheer)

i feel better now / into the wagon with you, Grudge

Choosing a Character

~~~~" I have glimpsed the stranger

she has an open mind and an expansive heart

among her many skills . talents . arts . she is an Adept

at Banishing Demons

she has an inner strength that deflects "curses"

and is totally free of the Bondage of the Appropriate ~~ (nice)

&&&&&&&&

she is blessed with a lot of Quick
and that is necessary for she has
to go around visiting all the
Experimental Egglets from "~~~~~~"
who are now Improvahoki Earth Probes
to see how they are adapting and what
Discovereaze they are X-ploring as they
seek Power in Alien Climes"


(yellowed fragment undated / submitted by
The Fictional Archeologist)

smile

a plug for the kitchen help

oh i mean the italian cousin / la cugina italiana / l cugina dalla cucina

lacugina

Dream

"Here is a little red wagon for you / put all your regrets in it / put your unfinished and unanswered questions it it / put your hauntings in it. You can then pull the wagon along with you as a more efficient method of hanging on to the past than keeping them with the monkeys on your back. Or you can leave the wagon behind."

energized

getting to be Someone
i dont know yet

what am up to

up to speed
feeling healing
the year of cancer
and year of recovery
sono tutto fatto

(all done)

strong again

piu forte di mai

yay

old habits die hard

i just cd not resist a peek at the confirmation hearings for Condoleeza Rice on C-span

comments on politicks will be confined to deeply superficial

i see Condi has a new and more elegant hair-do

smarter

meaning the hair style is smarter

okay thats enough

thought for MLK,jr Day

Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. says "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

actually

i did not do any of those things like quibble grouse moan piss groan cry and whine

the week since the new moon has been so productive and accomplished i had no time for even the smallest of small talk

i made eight bracelets, threw a charming dinner party, wound up a challenge that had been dominating the proceedings since mid December, chose the tomato plants for this season from the new natural gardening catalogue, organized my pantry space, tidied up my attic/studio work space, made potato-leek soup to die for, and Oh Well

so much more

grin

okay let's get real here ~~

~~there's no way i'm gonna catch up no matter how much i change the dates / apparently i have been taking a break in order to quibble and grouse and piss and moan and whine and cry

so there

you can tell when i am bored ~~

~~ at the restaurant in topanga they cd tell i was bored when i made tuna nooodle casserole for dinnner

what do you call it when ~~

~~a Full Tilt LollyGag meets A Strategic Binge ?

that's easy

the dynamic of a strategic binge is a Decisive Blowout

a Decisive Blowout is not compulsive

the Strategic Binger chooses to go all the way / all the ways !!

with conscientious meticulousness

committed to bingeing until one cant stand it anymore

~~~~~ or runs out of Red ~~~~~~~~

smile

current Strategic Binge involves making potholders with cotton loops on a small red metal weaving frame

i learned to make these potholders when i was seven or eight

picking up the loom and loops now more than 60 years later returns me to my most essential inner child

the one with the beginner mind

the one who discovered patience

that perseverance furthers

that the oriental rug with the golden dragons in the corners was a safe haven

a place to acquire many mechanical skills

the last potholder binge did, indeed, run out of red / the binge was concluded by abandonment / there was even a potholder on the loom that was finished except for looping its edges to take it off the loom

it didnt even need another red loop but ~~

~~ pow / binge over in one fell swoop / like quitting drinking half way through a margarita or giving up cozze ala marinara half way through the platter when daughter said they looked like tonsils

he so smart / so well informed

Bush “Town Hall” Tidbits: #3


Dubya can condescend to a Red-stater with the best of them, saying to one attendee, “Have they got C-SPAN out there in Utah?”

this reminds me of when he asked the chief of state of Brazil if "you have any black people?"

(sorry, just had to let a little er um political commentary sneak in)

New Moon / first of 2005

today's menu

a nibble at quibbles

follow up with a grouse

brisk walk to clarify boundaries

midday is smoothly socially serene

sparkles with laughter and a few good natured ribs

serve with chumminess on turning points with hearts of calm


~~(meanwhile Chaz puts up the shelves / Lundy fixes DreamBoat's tailgate lock / the hopping john from new year's eve lurking in the usually cold but now balmy back room makes itself known

poor hopping john ran out of luck)~~

what if ~~

~~ it turns out i live a long time after all even though i think every day/night cd be my last

and

retain all my senses / sight / smell / taste / hearing / not to mention all of my teeth

avoid the breakage of key bones and the deterioration of significant organs

remain (smile) mentally alert

and dont "get decrepit" at all

but i waste my time and energy expecting these things to happen because of The Aging Process ?

wouldnt that be a terrific bummer ?

now what did i mean by that ?

when emdot encouraged me to join Flickr

i replied it's so very very you but not so very very me

now what did i mean by that ?

smile

Flickr is neat and offers many options

it is a BUSY place

sorta like a grand central station of picture shopping / name dropping / contacts popping

i kinda like my mac Homepages / so easy to do / put pictures in iPhoto / choose the ones you want to publish to the Homepage / click / presto pronto / there it is / arrange them in two coloumns or three coloumns / write a limited amount of caption / click publish and there you go

done

oh yeah, choose a frame or template / i like frameless / KISS / keep it simple, stupid / although in the initial excitement of having a mac with this application / as a joke i used the halloween motif / someone on the list at the time told me it wasnt halloween / duh / so i can do without comments / wink

my homepage is like come in to my house / my cyberphoto studio

a dearth of quibbles

doesnt quibbling ever take up so much time ?

whew / glad that's over

Nimitz Class

i am listening to a book on tape called Nimitz Class by Patrick Robinson

Nimitz class refers to nuclear powered aircraft carriers

the book is copyright 1997 but the setting of the plot is 2002

sooo / it was written years before IX/XI and therefore there is no mention or reference to the attack on the World Trade Center

in the story the BIGGEST AND BESTEST aircraft carrier is vaporized with several of its support war ships (like destroyers, frigates and so on) seriously damaged

first impressions are that the explosion must be an accident with the nuclear weapons carried by the aircraft carrier inasmuch as no other cause can be imagined

~~~~~interruptus buptus~~~~~~~

okay i have a problem with being interrupted in mid-flow and my unlimited reserve of self-importance kicks in

once upon a time i used interruptions as great leaps forward / the interrupter was my toddler grandkid who was in my charge at a time that coincided with intense creative activity / every interruption by him was a gift / i made it so / of course

i would stop in my work for varying lengths of time to devote myself to him and when i came back to pick up where i left off there was often a jolt of new perspective / seeing where i was and where i was going as fresh and new

once upon a time i had fabulous concentration / i was able to create a character for acting in the theatre and hold true to this creation during hours of performance no matter what sights sounds or smells came into play / once time, indeed, someone sitting in the first row (arena type staging) translated my every line into italian for his companion / i faltered not

and i do recall that with a big smile

once upon a time i did some of my most satisfying writing at a small desk in our very busy dining room or standing on street corners scribbling on a Rhodia tablet

(ps / googled up Rhodia / they had an ad at Talking Points Memo in the last year / i loved their tablets when i lived in R ome)

oh well okay / cut to the chase

coming soon to a blog near you : quick review of Nimitz Class

tootle tootle tootle

DreamBoat is home at last

we are going to tootle all over Moab

i sent in her application for the car show

i wasnt going to do it again until i received the dvd of last year's show

towards the beginning of the dvd there is a FULL SCREEN SHOT of DreamBoat's license plate

MOABIUS

smile

most of the dvd shows the tours to Dead Horse Point and to Needles Overlook in Canyonlands / poor DreamBoat looked good but ran shitty so we missed the tours as well as the saturday night cruise of Main Street

soooo / we is gonna do it this year !

i cruised 'round town this evening / once she gets warmed up she hums / and Oh her heater works and the radio is fm/am / and she just kind of glows

we've turned a corner and we're On the Road Again

(cigarette lighter works too / i told Lundy i burned it out smoking joints / he laughed / said we all did when we were younger)

from the fictional Archeologist ~~

you dont know who you are
until you dont no who you are

Aftermath

there will be an end to utterly trivial and inconsequential quibbling

an ocasional disgruntlement is permissable but please do not share it

success

success comes gently
but not without effort

bloggety bloggers blogging

from the Washington Post :

"Though blog readership jumped, the percentage of online Americans who write blogs grew only slightly - to 7 percent in November, up from 5 percent early in the year. Blog creators tend to be male, affluent, well-educated and young; 70 percent of them have high-speed connections at home, and 82 percent have been online at least six years."

i can say i have a high speed connection at home and have been on-line at least six years / okay so i started with a webtv box / dont be snooty / smile

i am neither male nor young / affluent ? well, i have everything i wanted when i was 14 and then some / far down the economic scale, however and as for well-educated i hold no university degrees despite many years in various colleges / i am auto-didactic (look it up) and know how to do LOTS of things to keep me entertained, amused, and productive

lately, blogs have been getting a lot of attention from the MSM (mainstream media) / most of the articles i have read seem to be written by someone not very "in the know"

dont ask what "in the know" means / smile

randomly musing with morning coffee

enormity

the enormity of the catastrophe is beyond my comprehension

complacency is replaced by compassion / by contemplation

despite all odds i am blessed by the grace of the universe

i live in a "safe place" / not prone to wild fires, floods, tidal waves, earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes

our vulnerability is chronic drought and the tendency of the residents to ignore the potential we have for complete self-sustainability

the tsunami has changed the global community more than 911 did the american people

and if it hasnt, it should

1.1.05

tsunami

words fail